You taught me what unreserved love is what you gave without expecting a return on your investment. You rejuvenated my faith in humanity and made life worth living, despite the strife that the fever of life burns in me.
by Dr Ruwantissa Abeyratne in Montreal
You keep a lot to yourself because it's difficult to find people who understand. ~ Anon
Saturday 10th October was World Mental Health Day. I did not realize it until I received an email from the university where I teach, reminding me. My mind raced back to the day you came into the world in the night and peered at me, radiant like a pearl in an oyster that had a little door. As I left the hospital the following morning I felt as though the whole world had been invigorated with bright colours from myriad rainbows glistening among a thousand stars. I vowed that day to look after you and protect you from fear, evil and danger.
It took me a long time to figure out why you didn’t look at me. Why you didn’t smile or laugh or even talk. After some time, I realized that you lived in your own world and I lived in a world of others. You played with your toy trains alone, silently, without the boisterous exuberance of other children. I watched and learned how you coped with life in your own way. You showed that your world was bereft of hypocrisy and self service, and that your world was honest. Your world did not treat others as a means to an end and you did not know how to cheat and lie. Yours was a story of innocence which had neither fluctuation of hope nor awareness of ominous despair. It is this vulnerability that kept crying out to me - that you should never be alone to weep in solitude when snares of evil confront you.
You have now transcended your childhood through adolescence and entered manhood, but you still are your pristine childlike self. You don’t realize or know when you are berated or demeaned and made to feel small. When you do, you do not know how to cope with the unkindness of others. Although you now feel ridicule, you are immune to its hurtful nuances. You value the simple and small pleasures in life, like a trip downtown or a walk for a snack. You have no social ambition or material craving. Your very nature is incompatible with the real world. You are so proud of your slightest achievement and value it so much, as though you want to show others riddled with scepticism that you can do it. My heart leaps up when I hear you say joyfully “I did it”. You never show you are ashamed of yourself because you never are. And I know that, buried deep in that head is a high intelligence that can read complex pianoforte music and convert it to the most exquisite classical sounds.
To my immeasurable joy you now engage with me in an authentic and reflective way. I feel comfortable in your unobtrusive dignity despite your intimidating anthropometric countenance, and in your gentle but strong presence when we walk. You are kind and sensitive even though you have the strength to be evil. You bear no grudges. You fill our home with God given melodies and your cheerful voice, in stark contrast to my annoyingly reflective and sometimes moody reticence. You are too good for a world corrupted by greed.
You taught me what unreserved love is what you gave without expecting a return on your investment. You rejuvenated my faith in humanity and made life worth living, despite the strife that the fever of life burns in me. You have given me memories and happiness that make the misery of the present worth enduring. I am only left with the paradox that it is I who must be mindful of my mental health on this special day dedicated to our mental well being. It is my fervent hope that you continue to see life the way you do in the joy of small things and the purity of love. Let your joy of life know no boundaries. Keep taking pride in yourself. I pray that you will see through liars and vagabonds, hypocrites, and cheats and that you will not trust them and not let them manipulate you.
I think I know what life means to you as I know what life has meant to me all these years. It is a dream we all must have and wake up from one day. Until we go to where we came from, we have to be in this dream with equanimity and courage, with purpose and dignity. I know my dream will be over long before yours. I pray it will not be over too soon, as leaving you suspended in my dream when it is over will be a sadness and regret I am not looking forward to.
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