You must know about the new friends I have made. They cheer me up. They give me lots of Love and Affection. You have taught me a lot.
by Bandula Jayasekara
So you entered my life on 28th of July. It is over two months now. Yes. You gave certain indications by giving me shortness of breath, making me tired. You made me lose my appetite and I did lose weight. But, I didn’t know it was you who were at the door of my life. Who would imagine that you come looking for unsuspecting people like me. But, this is what you do Cancer. I was told we have to face you, battle with you and even treat you with kindness at times. I cried only thrice out of sorrow after you embraced me. That’s normal. But, I cried more out of joy when friends and others showed me kindness and helped me. They continue to help me. I shed tears of joy. I wouldn't cave in to you. I am becoming courageous with every new day. My spirits are high even without taking any spirits. I have understood life even more. Thanks to you. I still can laugh at myself.
My thoughts are more collected. I only take positive things in life to my heart. I avoid negativity and negative people. Anger doesn't come my way at all now, though my temper was like a soda bottle. I even don’t even feel the days go by. I can laugh at politicians and pity them even more now. I am able to enjoy Hindi and Tamil movies more than before, because there is a comedy even in their tragedies. They make me laugh and I go to bed smiling. I have stopped listening to sad songs now. I listen to songs that cheer me up and give me inspiration.
Dear Cancer, you have prevented me from doing several things I like. Because of you I cannot go to public places often, hug and play with children and dogs, jump to the swimming pool, get wet in the rains, go for long walks. Because of you I have to wear a mask most of my life to prevent infections. I hated to get pricked. You have made me go for injections twice a week, get my blood tested, get blood transfusions when my blood count is low. I have got two bone marrow tests done, one in Sri Lanka and one in Singapore. Yes. My back was drilled twice. A friend told me recently "Yes. I have seen in movies. I won’t survive it. The thought of a needle going through my body; I cannot imagine it" I told her it’s all about life. Because of you, I have got used to such things. I am getting used to the pain and hurt. Please don’t think it’s making me weak, Dear Cancer. Thanks to you, it is making me stronger. Doctor and the nurses who care for me are very gentle and kind.
I respected all religions though I did not follow one or practice one. However, because of you, I have begun to receive the blessings of my Buddhist, Hindu, Christian, Muslim friends. They pray for me and they bless me all the time. I seek the blessings too and spirituality has made me stronger. It is helping me every day. Thanks to you Dear Cancer.
I also must tell you why I decided to go public with my illness. There are few reasons for it. It is because I am like an open book, it’s because I have nothing to hide. By sharing this I will educate and help others to be careful from you. It helps me a lot when I share and speak out. People ask me how you entered my life. I explain it to them and they tell me "Oh we must be careful of cancer and get ourselves checked. We must get insurances soon to protect us". By sharing my story, I give a voice to the voiceless and helpless thousands who are battling with you for years. I know many in Sri Lanka must be dying not knowing how you entered their lives. Many don’t have enough money to send you away from their bodies. I know how; I am struggling to collect funds for my bone marrow transplant. You know that treatment isn't easy. A person I met recently told me that the cost of one injection for his Dear mother is 600,000 rupees per month. I was shocked and asked him if he was robbing a bank to take care of his beloved mother. He smiled. I became speechless. You should be more kind to people, Dear Cancer.
With the support from my friends, well wishers I continue to raise money to defeat you; let you make a honourable exit from my life. It isn’t enough though. I have a long way to go. Many have pledged support too. It is a long way to live and love a bit longer. I will write to you more Dear Cancer. You and I need to communicate. We need to engage. I must share my experiences with you. You must know about the wonderful and caring doctor and the nursing staff who are taking care of me. You must know about the wonderful human beings who walk in to my place with food and contributions. I cannot express how heart warming it is. You must know about the new friends I have made. They cheer me up. They give me lots of Love and Affection. You have taught me a lot.
The sky is still blue.
( The writer is a former diplomat and a senior journalist based in Colombo)
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