Beat it!
by Farzana Versey
(June 03, Mumbai, Sri Lanka Guardian) Baba Ramdev walks out of the aircraft and is followed by four ministers of the central government of India on the tarmac. He commands one of the minions, “Phone George Bush.”
“Baba, it is very late there. Shall I call up Barack Obama instead?”
“Won’t it be late for him?”
“No, Sir, he is watching the Osama video, he does it every night to get good sleep.”
“This is not Obama’s territory. I need Bush.”
Now the minion is scared. Yet, he hesitantly asks, “Can you tell me why it is so urgent?”
“I want his fire helmet.”
Watching the man’s face, Baba Ramdev taps him lightly on the head, “Murkh, you fool, we are at the Ramleela Maidan, everyone is going to perform and must look the part.”
“What role are you playing?”
“George Bush.”
“But Bush was not in the Ramayana.”
“Neither was Anna Hazare. I am portraying Bush because the media has referred to this place we are making pavitra (pure) as Ground Zero and you remember how Bush had reached his Ground Zero with that yellow helmet.”
“It won’t match with your saffron robes, pitashri.”
“There is no match-making here. You think those Congress leaders are agreeing with me? The RSS and BJP is agreeing? That Anna Hazare who till the other day was on his own trip now wants to join me.”
“Haan, why?”
“Simple. Mallika Sherawat.”
“No, no, you are mistaking. He is Gandhian.”
“Exactly. For him this is test in all areas. Why he did not sit in fast in Ralegaon Siddhi?”
“Maybe there is no corruption there.”
“Paagal ho gaye ho (are you mad)? No one is fighting corruption. You don’t read the papers? There are 1000 toilets built here.”
“So you want the papers for that?”
“Nahin, don’t forget we are Indians first…”
“Okay, I found the papers. There will be 50 litres of water used for each day of the rally.”
“That is for drinking.”
“But you are on hunger strike.”
“Yes, but technically hunger and thirst are different. Also this will be good publicity for my yoga, to show how with asanas we can control the body. Lot of bodies will be controlled there.”
Ground Zero being made up
“Your rally is bigger than Anna’s. There is a 2.5-lakh sq ft waterproof tent, four platforms, 1,000 ceiling fans, and an event management company. Jai ho. But why do you have 50 ambulances and an ICU at the venue?”
“There will be so many celebrities, and people are complaining that they are not clean, they are earning crores in cash so how can they not be corrupt. Government is fighting political war, so just for some shoo-sha they could arrest some people, like at airport they caught Bipasha Basu for bringing shoes only because she did not throw one at Chidambaram.”
“Was that the reason?”
“This is the inside story no one talks about. The amount of shoes thrown at ministers shows their power.”
“So what is the strategy?”
“When they come to arrest, the celebrities can complain of chest pain, diabetes, liver problem, kidney failure, piles, anything and we can immediately put them in ICU or take them in ambulances to the hospitals. That way our message will go beyond the grounds.”
“But lakhs of people are expected and not all are celebrities…I hear the Mumbai dabbawallas are also supporting you.”
“These dabbawallas are celebrities. They go to IIT for lectures and were invited to Buckingham Palace.”
“Shahrukh Khan has said you have a political agenda.”
“And he does not? He is talking for that Amul baby, Rahul. Also, now Salman’s film is ready so he wants attention.”
“Wah, you are so intelligent. You don’t need that George Bush helmet.”
“We want the world to see our Ground Zero.”
“But these media people are wrong. Ground Zero means an epicentre of some disaster.”
“Aisa kya (is that so)? Then arrange some disaster.”
“G.R.Khairnar is coming. You want him to bring bulldozer?”
“Tchah, he is small man dealing with jhuggi-jhonpdi (hutments). Can you get some SIMI or Hizbul-Isabgol group? We will pay them to buy some firecrackers and make some noise. These days unless there is some Islamic mention it does not make international headlines.”
“I got an idea, sirji. Why not we say we are fighting jihad against corruption and issuing fatwa against those who have stashed millions?”
Baba Ramdev smiles: “Tathastu!” …So be it…
A backgrounder: Yoga guru/godman Baba Ramdev has planned this massive rally from tomorrow, June 4, at Delhi's Ramleela grounds to fight corruption. He was received at the airport by Congress Party ministers, celebrities will be there, other details mentioned are all true, including Hazare and former Municipal Commissioner Khairnar, known to demolish slums, and the dabbawallas joining him. As for the rest, it's a fast....I mean farce.
 Baba Ramdev walks out of the aircraft and is followed by four ministers...){kind=link}
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