[Editor's Note: This is a true story but names of individuals and places have been changed to safeguard the privacy and rights of innocent criminals]
"This fear of losing is what caused the king to rule not just games but even the country with an iron fist. As years went by, signs of deviant behavior, attributed to his fear psychosis started to show up. Haunted by the disease, the king started to feel very insecure. To avoid losing, he thought the best thing was not to have rules for the games whenever he or his family members partook. His brothers, Gotha-baya alias Gotha-Karume and Mbezzle supported him with utmost loyalty and courage."
by David Morgan
The Name Game
(October 13, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) The 2010 World Cup theme song has a striking resemblance to a different type of ball game played on a beautiful Island called Ladakawa.
This Island is ruled by King Mahendra. He rules the country with an iron fist, closely supported by his family and brothers, popularly known as the Rajapaksha Samagama or The Kings Clan Ltd. All his subjects were rajapakshikayo, or so he liked to believe. Like many of his kind, King Mahendra enjoyed playing games. Anything, as long as he won. Neither the king, nor his teams are allowed to lose. He detests losing, not a single game. Not even his children were allowed to take part in a game unless assured of victory. The king is also an inventor of games. Once, when the ministers complained that they earned very little compared to those in sports, the king invented a game for politicians. They now earn as they play. The king even coined a name for it: Politriks. Even then, he or his family had to be leading the teams and the game will not commence until the referee assured the king of his victory, in advance.
On one such occasion, the king, assured of victory, offered his crown to any challenger, not expecting to have one. To the king’s utter dismay, not only was he challenged but he lost the game as well. But, instead of declaring the winner, he waited for the spectators and players to leave before getting his brothers to score a few extra goals making him the winner. The referee almost had his head chopped off for shouting foul and showing the red card.
Losing the Winner
This fear of losing is what caused the king to rule not just games but even the country with an iron fist. As years went by, signs of deviant behavior, attributed to his fear psychosis started to show up. Haunted by the disease, the king started to feel very insecure. To avoid losing, he thought the best thing was not to have rules for the games whenever he or his family members partook. His brothers, Gotha-baya alias Gotha-Karume and Mbezzle supported him with utmost loyalty and courage.
Not stopping at that the king started looking out for ways to disqualify, destroy or even eliminate his opponents. He gradually became vindictive and was hell bent on taking revenge of anyone even remotely threatening to contradict, leave alone challenge him. No mercy was shown to anyone demonstrating the slightest sign of dissent. The king had reached an acute stage of paranoia. Freedom for players and spectators alike was curbed. Special pickup vans were assigned to gather anyone caught cheering the king’s rivals. All opposing cheer leaders were silenced, not all but almost. Big brother Gotha-baya took care of that. In fact big brother, a transformational-technology genius, started working on a project to use a modified lie detector machine to monitor, control and alter ‘thinking patterns’ of all subjects. This was, by popular request from all the rajapakshikayos’ who believed the whole country was going insane. It seems to be working, when one considers how the rival teams have performed at the game of politriks. Match-fixing not discounted, they are making a habit of allowing the winner to lose and the loser to win. Make sense?
Party Games
There are many more teams in the fray, playing their own little games: bickering, infighting, backbiting, crossovers and leg-pulling, just to name a few; the usual Juvenile stuff. Ra Nil is the leader of one such team. Nowadays he tries to avoid playing any games as he has developed a disease since of late. Each time he gets to play and the game reaches a decisive stage Ra Nil turns red and then blue in the face and elsewhere. But there are some less boisterous games he liked. Among those liked by Ra Nil are, Ra-bun where you eat a bun and try to drum-beat (not understood by most) your opponent,’ honking’-where you try to scare away your opponent- in this case the king-by honking your horn. Then there’s ‘go-to-pot’ where you try to break as many clay pots as possible within a given time. He likes the last game very much because the winner always gets to tell the losers to go-to-pot. And he is always gets to be told that.
Then, there’s Karuma, Pillar and KP ( Koti Pathi -meaning millionaire or tiger leader?), all three, masters at match fixing. From having been on the Terra Tiger rival team they have become kingpins on the king’s side. From a rebel outfit, they moved themselves and their money, and took their positions on the winning side with perfect timing and accuracy. The game is called Guns and Robbers.
The people in Ladakawa, in the meantime, are bored if they don’t have a game or two every now and then. Occasionally the king throws the ball into the commoner’s court where his chuck-golayas are allowed to play chuck-gudoo but if caught chucking they are chucked for good. The kings opponents, once in a while come together to play games like pooja, yathika, coconut dashing, protesting and poster pasting; until the king’s pandam karayas or torch bearers give chase. They run and the game is over.
Big Match Fever
Happy with the way things were going, the king thought it was time to give his subjects a big game. This is when he, confident there were no takers put out a challenge offering his crown on a winner -takes -it –all, basis. This is where things began taking a different twist. Earlier, the ‘kings Clan’ routed the ‘Terra Tigers’ who remained undefeated for nearly three decades, in the game of ‘Extreme politricks’. The king was jubilant and honoured his winning team with titles, lands and other accolades. The captain of this winning team was General Fondseka. But then, the General also had a score to settle with the king and his big brother Gotha-baya. Low and behold! To the kings utter dismay the captain of his own winning team takes up the challenge. The king tried to withdraw but that would have been seen as conceding defeat and was forced to keep his word. The match (I mean the date) was fixed and the match was played.
This was when the referee got into hot water for showing the red card to the king’s clan. The referee under much duress started to cry. Out of deep concern for him, the king sent the referee on a long overseas vacation at the king’s expense. On return, a revived and much rejuvenated referee said he had acted out of ignorance and while in a state of acute mental depression but while on holiday realized his folly and took oath never ever to show the king a red card again.
Now the king’s temper had reached fever pitch and his wrath was turned on to Fondseka. He had his closest ally, now turned traitor arrested, court martialed, charged, convicted and jailed. The Crime? Crossing over; crossing over is allowed provided it is to the right side. The opposition is the wrong side. All but the General knew this rule to the game. He is now in jail for his folly. But his popularity with the people was on the rise. They started to grow fond of him. The king himself is very sorry. In fact, if Fondseka or his relatives are willing to admit his folly the king has offered to pardon and receive him back to the King’s Clan team. Being a righteous person, the king simply can’t violate these noble rules that he himself not only practices, but preaches to world leaders when on the trot. Someone needs to plead on behalf of the villain before the king can consider pardon. He lives by his Dhamma to the letter.
Fondseka’s popularity in the mean while is increasing by the hour. The king fears being seen as weak if he shows mercy. With his own popularity fast diminishing, the king summoned his advisors to ask if showing mercy to Fondseka will cost him his crown. Big brother Gota-baya initially will hear nothing of it. But later he conceded that the best thing was to show mercy in keeping with the kings Buddhist principles. The king was surprised with the dramatic change in his brother. ‘Oh! My enlightened brother how do you suggest we show mercy?’ He queried. ‘Simple, just hang him’ was the prompt reply. All were shocked, not for what Gota-baya said, but, because he said it without the slightest show of emotion. Something he never had.
There is a rumour to say that a few far thinking advisors have even suggested the king should follow in the footsteps of the North Korean leader and make his son, still in his twenties, a four-star general to fill the void created by Fondseka. Not only has the prince led his school at rugby, at least, ‘General Nymal ’ will not only be a good counterfeit for the incarcerated former General , but it will counter balance-the ‘Nymal-Baby’ image-a title used by army top brass when addressing the crown prince, the advisors advised.
Jesters on the Ball
Distressed by complaints of foul play, the international Committee for Refereeing Crooks (no offence to ICRC) led by The Man from the Moon, wanted to inquire into how King Mahendra played his games. The king was flabbergasted. He was looking for a way out; when one of the court jesters’ Raja Warchala (Royal loud-mouth) came up with a brilliant idea. He volunteered to sleep in a dugout setup in front of ‘Moon House’ from where he can bark tall at the moon. The jester’s idea was to scare the moon-man by his loudmouthed barking. Unfortunately, the barking turned into a snarl, a howl and then a snivel. The full moon continued to shine as bright as ever, while howling at the moon is considered to bring misfortune to the natives of the land. Hearing him bark on behalf of his master the king, they shouted ‘no-the-king’ Muspenthuwa. The game misfired, the jester pretended to die to the great joy of the on lookers- who first thought it was for real. The king arrives on the scene and offers the dying jester a glass of water. The jester is revived. That was the end; of the show I mean.
The king has another jester who hates playing the same game twice. He is Dr. Mara Win. He is an experienced jester who has been in and out of many courts including the Supreme Court, where, he is a frequent visitor. He likes to think of himself as a comedy star. On one occasion he thought to amuse the king by force-entering the king’s theatre hall demanding he be given the main role in an up coming play. The workers obliged by giving Mara Win and his goons a dress rehearsal with a coat of paint before letting him run to the king who declares him the winner. That was the end of that game.
The next game was when Mara Win took the law into his hands and tied a man to a tree and whipped him- a punishment normally handed down by the king. Usually, kings are amused when there jesters act out the kings role in public for fun’s sake, but not this king. The king was scared. He thought that his jester was having illusions of becoming king. No joke. No game. He’s allowed to be the Comedy Star but never Mega Star- not in Mahendra’s lifetime. The king immediately ordered that the jester be relieved of his jester post and an inquiry be held. But the king decided to use the opportunity to teach the jester what a real joke is and declared him the winner before the inquiry. Later, the jester proud of his influence boasted that he has liberties with the king only afforded to harem managers in earlier regimes. The jester is busy plotting his next game.
Passing the Ball
In the meantime, the device developed by Gotha Baya to distort the minds of the subjects, was beginning to lose its effect and the people were gradually returning to their senses. When regaining consciousness they murmured and mumbled just one word……freedom……freedom…..freedom …..is all they muttered. This was immediately reported to the king by the two jesters who in their haste fumbled with the words with one reported it as ‘Freedom’ and the other insisted it was ‘Fondseka’.
The king was furious. He shouted, ‘how on earth did you two idiots get that mixed up. The two words aren’t even remotely connected?’
The king quickly summoned his advisors and all the ministers and asked them, ‘Does anyone know the meaning of the word ‘Freedom?’. Pin drop silence. No one spoke. They all knew the meaning-but none dare open the mouth. He glanced at his minister in charge of internal security, defence, cultural affairs, and religious affairs- they all looked none plus. Even the attorney general.
Looking utterly dismayed, ‘No Sir; never heard of the word. Was the united response.
Then suddenly, from out of the blues someone shouted, ‘Alien attack, alien attack’, causing the king to jump on his throne yelling out, ‘who said that?’
They were all trying to hold back their amusement, when the prime minister tried to calm down the king, ‘that was Raja Wachala, Sir
‘Where is the fool; does he take me to be a joke?’
‘He’s under the throne Sir’, whispered the other jester.
In the meantime, the sports minister who came in late, learning of the confusion, tried to calm things down. He said that ‘freedom’ was the name of a newly emerging game being played in some countries and when it first hit Ladakawa it started to catch on like a fever and that he consulted the secretary of defense on the matter.
Got the Baya was quick to chip in, ‘We don’t have proper infrastructure facilities to host ‘Freedom’ games. In fact, most NIC (Newly Intimidated Countries) can’t even dream of allowing the game to be played in their countries.
Needing clarification on the matter the king asked the treasurer, Cabha Rala, “But aren’t we now an NIC, I mean…….. ..’ but before he could even finish, ‘Yes Sir’, prompt came Cabha Rala’s response as he is programmed to provide set answers whenever the king requires him to do so.
A somewhat confused (not unusual) king asked the sports minister what precautions he had taken to prevent freedom fever from spreading and why it was not under control. His response was that the vaccine imported by the health ministry had expired prior to importing, to which, the health minister angrily retorted that it was the label that had the wrong date but the vaccine was new. He went on to add, ‘Any way I’ve appointed a commission to look into the matter’. That impressed the king very much and he didn’t probe the matter any further.
Then suddenly almost from nowhere, the foreign minister, smart aleck he is, had a bright idea, ‘Let me do a global trip Sir to see if I can find something’.
The king paused for a while and then said, ‘Ok, get my plane. We can all go-as much as the plane can hold. All in search of the meaning of F..R..E..E..D..O..M’
‘But, the king cautioned, ‘Make sure you are there early; those coming late will have no seats.’ No problems Sir, I will bring my mat’ said Raja Warchala. ‘You must be joking; how can you sleep on a mat on a plane? ‘
Sir, I can even go to the moon on a mat; remember?
‘My gosh, No’, retorted the king, remembering the death farce episode, ‘each time you start crying I’ll have to bring you a drink’ and ‘in any case this is not a trip to the moon, just a fact finding mission-ooops-I’m sorry, world tour’.
Not to be outwitted, the other jester, Mad Win ran up to the king and proudly made public his humility, ‘I don’t require a seat Sir; I can sit at your feet’. The others pretended not to have heard him. Then the king, quite rightly and wisely queried, ‘Mad Win, have you not heard of seat belts on planes?’ ‘No, Sir, I mean, Sir, I mean Yes Sir, I know, but did you forget that I have a rope?’, ‘I can tie myself, Sir’. The king would hear nothing of this. Knowing the man but not his pranks, the king was not going to let his jester sit at his feet with a rope in his hands.
Highly excited at the outcome of the meeting, all the king’s men, with sighs of relief, rushed to relieve themselves.
As was required the subjects lined up the streets to wave flags and cheer each time the king and his entourage left the country. This time though the king thought heard an unusual chant from the crowds. Not wanting to get too close, military intelligence was ordered to check things out.
‘Sir, they are chanting a strange word’ was the report. They were scared to mention it knowing very well the kings feelings.
‘What is it, tell me tell me’ the king was getting impatient.
The….the…F…word, Sir said the officer stuttering and Shivering
‘The What???’
The officer fainted.The king covered both his years and suddenly remembered, ‘Oh! You mean the F…….word’ and immediately shouted at his security, ‘don’t get too close……..it’s dangerous. The last thing I want is for you to catch it’.
‘Why are all those people waving poles?’ the king inquired again.
‘They used to wave flags, Sir, remember?’ A guard mumbled
‘Yes, yes, I jolly well do’
‘It was the defense secretary Sir; he ordered the removal of flags, Sir’.
‘But why?’
Since of late he has come to believe that waving flags can be a bad omen for the king, Sir. Not too long ago, due to a flag waving incident, one of our very popular kings lost his life, Sir’.
‘Hmm’
Nevertheless, the king continues on his journey. The people of Ladakawa in the meantime are hoping and praying that the king and his ministers will return, someday matured, grown up and enlightened, as they, knowing the full meaning of FREEDOM. Until then, at least, they are enjoying their new found freedom and celebrate by continue to sing….………They’ll call me Freedom.
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