Study Of New Three ‘R’s Compulsory

By Gamini Weerakoon

(May 17, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) In a darkened candle-lit room, a bearded guru was peering intensely into a palm of a young man and then into a palmyra leaf scroll that looked like a horoscope. Finally, he switched on the lights and told the young man: “For you to succeed in life you will have to study the three ‘R’s intensively.”

“But why should I go back in life? I studied my three ‘R’s – reading, writing and arithmetic very well in kindergarten and now I am a graduate. I know my three ‘R’s well enough,” the client protested.

Guru and the three ‘R’s

The guru smiled cynically. “My dear sir, don’t you people know that the planetary configuration altered drastically quite recently? The Raja-Paksha planets are now occupying commanding positions in the zodiac and this is affecting planet Earth.

Didn’t you read The Sunday Leader? 94 government departments are now directly under the Rajapakse family control?”

“So what has all that got to do with the three ‘R’s?” queried the client.

“My dear sir, the three ‘R’s too have changed. It’s now Rajapaksa, Rajapaksa and Rajapaksa — Mahinda, Gota and Basil. Not reading, writing and arithmetic. They control 94 departments. So, if you want to progress in this country, go to Galle Face or even go abroad, there will be Gota overlooking. So will it be for all other departments with the other two ‘R’s in control. That’s why knowing the new three ‘R’s is all important.”

“But how could one study the new three ‘R’s? What are the text books?”

Guru pulled out some loose newspaper sheets and said, “This is the Mahinda Chintanaya (MC). It contains universal truths and is applicable to all situations. So when bureaucrats in any department or corporation are in doubt on what to do, simply turn the pages of the great MC and.. hey, presto! A solution will be there.

Mahinda Chintanaya

“You mean, this MC will ok the modus operandi of a clerk who wants to leave office for a mid day romance, by leaving a half-day leave chit with the OA and take it back on his return, if his absence has not been noticed?”

“Too early even for a guru even of my class to tell,” the guru confessed.

Learning by ear

Learning the new ‘R’s will indeed present formidable challenges to bookworms — those who go by the book, but one can play it by ear with much success, as experience shows. Even in the colonial days the most successful were not those who learnt the three ‘R’s from books or teachers, but by ear. Just look at some of our ministers, deputy ministers, heads of departments and corporations of the present and past. Many of those who followed the ‘straight and narrow path’ would now be kicking themselves for not opting for the crooked shortcut.

Even 50 to 60 years ago there were pundits on public platforms who knew little about anything, crying out “This country needs engineers, scientists and doctors.” Engineers and doctors then and even today find it difficult to find employment particularly at the start. Similarly, most Science graduates are unemployed at the start, or later teach Science to graduates to produce more unemployed Science graduates. But those who were ignorant even of the three ‘R’s, but went after politicians and climbed the ladder surreptitiously are the king-makers or kings of sorts in many fields.

Getting to know the new three ‘R’s needs no academic effort. Watching politics for over 50 years from the sidelines makes us believe that such effort is not called for.

Knowing people will know

There are many Sri Lankan ways of ‘getting to know’ people. There is a peculiar Sri Lankan saying, ‘Knowing people will know, no?’ And in this little isle everyone in a family knows the other. So getting to know the three ‘R’s of late and the three ‘R’s finding about the others would be no difficult task.

As journalists, we have been much embarrassed about the performances of some of our colleagues including the freelance variety, attempting to jump into the post-victory Rajapakse bandwagon. Those who were silent before the elections or were on the fence, are now firmly siding with the three ‘R’s speaking of the magnificent feat they have performed and feats they are about to perform, in the editorial pages, under their name.

They have now awoken to what Rajapakse and his brothers ‘have done for the nation’ and are exploring prospective comfortable positions in their dotage in the new Rajapakse paradise.

Planetary impermanence

How long the Rajapakse planetary grahanaya would last, are not spoken of by the star gazers, although some say that such configurations would last till the Ira-Handa (Sun and Moon) exist. Such predictions were made for the Senanayakes and certainly for the Bandaranaikes as well, but those too came to an end. The impermanence of all things alive and dead is subject to the Laws of Thermodynamics — all stable systems tend to destabilise themselves over a period of time and is aptly summed up by the in one word, aniccha, in Pali. But going by the sheer build up, 94 government departments and corporations under three ‘R’s is an awesome juggernaut for Rajapakse cheerleaders to look forward to.