Mr and Mrs Sri Lanka of the political world

By Namini Wijedasa
Courtesy: Lakbima News

Mervyn Silva being third on the Gampaha preferential list after being rejected by voters in 2004 is symptomatic of a “dumbing” down of the electorate. Mervyn didn’t transform in six years. The voters have. —Political observer

(April 11, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) So, I’ve got this new and noble ambition that will forthwith replace all other hopes and aspirations to become my ultimate, ultimate goal. Who needs this writing crap?I’m going to get myself a role in the grand total of one insipid TELE drama. I’m only a baby step away from parliament then.

I would need an extreme makeover but there are television shows now for that. Next, secure a role in a popular music video, get into a local soap, perform for two years and contest a parliamentary election. It doesn’t matter that I cannot act to save my life. Or that I don’t have a proven record of any kind of public service or political activity.

Sri Lankans will elect me with thousands and thousands of votes possibly because I’m pretty, I have long hair and dimples — and because there is a devastatingly remote chance that I might do even something other than simper in parliament.

Seriously, the yardstick by which Sri Lankans measure whether a person does or does not deserve to be in parliament is no longer a yardstick at all. It’s only a couple of millimetres long. If acting in a single television programme can get you a seat in the legislative assembly of a country, surely there is something seriously amiss with the psyche of this nation.

Hooliganism

There was a time when people like D.S. Senanayake, Sir John Kotelawala, Dr N.M. Perera, M.S. Aboobakr, Baddudeen Mahmood, Phillip and Robert Gunawardena, Dr Colvin R. de Silva, S.W.R.D Bandaranaike, Dr S.A. Wickramasinghe, C.W.W. Kannangara, Bernard Soysa, M.G. Mendis and Pieter Keuneman represented our interests in parliament.

We also had M.H.M Ashraff, Lalith Athulathmudali, Gamini Dissanayake, Appapillai Amirthalingam, Neelan Tiruchelvam and Lakshman Kadirgamar. Among the women were Viviene Goonewardene, Doreen Wickremasinghe, Vimala Wijewardene, Wimala Kannangara, Sirima Bandaranaike and Tamara Kumari Ilangaratne.

Today, we have Upeksha Swarnamali, star of the popular teledrama Paba on ITN— first time contestant, been in the public eye for less than five years, best known for being ill-treated by her onscreen boyfriend, weeping and for possessing about as many facial expressions as a duck. Why, why? This is like electing Paris Hilton to Congress.

Anyway, for those who don’t want to get into parliament by virtue of dimples or dismal acting, there is always Mervyn Silva to emulate. In 2004, you could count the number of votes the man got on your hands and toes. In 2010, after six years of unapologetic tomfoolery and inexcusable hooliganism, he is elected to parliament with 151,085 votes and is third on the Gampaha preferences list.

Basil Rajapaksa, who deservingly topped the list, did not find it surprising that Mervyn won by such a mind-boggling margin. Asked for a comment, he said: “It proves that people like straight-talkers.”

Gel application

Straight-talkers? Heck, I can do straight talking. (I haven’t attempted ruffianism or asininity yet although I’m willing to try). But when I do straight talking, it doesn’t get me into parliament. It gets me into excrement. Even my husband tells me to put a sock in it.

But Mervyn isn’t the only crowd pleaser who won the election last week. We have two more actors, a few television presenters and Nishantha Muthuhettigama. But Nishantha, we hear, is no madder than a lot of other politicians who were in contention for parliament. He just promoted himself better.

Meanwhile, Wimal Weerawansa got more votes than anybody else in the Colombo district for nothing more than innovatively wagging his tongue and perfecting the art of gel application. All I have ever seen Wimal do is produce words. He is a riveting orator and...well, he’s a riveting orator. That seems to suffice.

We also have a cricketer in parliament now, several sons of politicians whose mere offspring status seems to have given them an inalienable right to contest, relations of politicians, descendants of politicians, siblings of politicians and a lot of old wine in new bottles. Mercifully, Rohitha Bogollagama lost. That’s a load of pressure off the national budget.

Elections in Sri Lanka are today like the Mr and Ms Sri Lanka of the political world. However much we like to pretend that qualifications matter, they don’t. Ultimately, it’s a popularity contest.

As for Ranil Wickremesinghe, sigh. He says mulishly he won’t step down as UNP leader and that faults in the system led to the party’s utterly cringe-worthy performance at the election. Not a believer of the buck stopping at the top, this one.

There is only one way out now. If Ranil won’t leave the UNP, the UNP must leave him. Let him keep the leadership and everyone else jump ship to form a new party. Ludicrous? Perhaps. But it’s certainly more fun than waiting for Godot.