An “International Conspiracy” can be a blessing in disguise

"What happened at the last presidential election? Ranil was supposed to romp home with the backing of the Tamils. But Pirapaharan issued a Fatwa on Tamils not to vote. And Ranil lost by a narrow margin. Obviously Pirapaharan wanted Mahinda to win and Ranil to lose."
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By Gamini Weerakoon

(November 01, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) When elections are around the corner ‘international conspiracies’ are quite potent stuff for the parties in power. SLFP matriarch Sirima Bandaranaike found it pretty useful. ‘International Conspiracies (Antharjatika Kumaanthrana) are being hatched against me,’ she used to declare quite often when domestic problems got out of hand.

Of course she did face two conspiracies that were strictly indigenous – the attempted coup d’etat of 1962 and the parliamentary coup where her MPs crossed over, resulting in her government’s defeat.

Now, with elections – either one or two – close at hand, history is being repeated. These days the cry of an international conspiracy being hatched against the Mahinda Rajapaksa government is increasing in volume. The other day I was in a long line of vehicles in a shady Colombo 7 road queuing up for petrol. My old friend in the vehicle, a true blue SLFPer and Rajapaksa devotee Jathi Aallay, was frothing and fuming.

“This is an international conspiracy to defeat the Mahinda Rajapaksa government,” he kept on repeating.

Obama and Clinton

“Who are the international conspirators behind this queue for petrol?” I queried.

The patriotic devotee was stupefied.

“The whole country and in fact many other countries too know it and you don’t know?” he yelled. “It’s Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.”

At this time the queue started to move and I said “Maybe Obama and Clinton have decided to end petrol queues in Sri Lanka. Or is it that the Petroleum Corporation workers have been assured that the salary hikes promised earlier will be paid?” My friend was not amused.

To cool him off, I retired to my water hole and ordered what is best to cool off hot heads. I made him spell out the details of this ‘international conspiracy.’

“Don’t you know that Raj Rajaratnam had contributed to the Obama and Hillary Clinton election campaigns?” he said. “That is why they are singing like parrots for the LTTE and trying to damn Sri Lanka. They want to brand us as war criminals.”

But if Obama and Clinton were hand in glove with Rajaratnam, why did they arrest their campaign contributor?

Constitutional defects

Our knowledgeable patriotic devotee held forth. “You know, this universally-praised American Constitution is absolutely cockeyed, unlike ours. Their president can’t lift a finger without support of the Congress. Please don’t quote me. It can’t hold a candle to the JR constitution. Our President can initiate, direct or stop any investigation.

Barack Obama has to lobby the Congress for support. He can’t stop FBI investigations. That’s what happened to your Raj.”

“Is it the entire conspiracy? You know what the Americans want is an investigation into the so-called war crimes. And now our President has made a smart move to appoint a presidential commission to investigate. You know what has happened to such presidential investigations down the years under all governments? So Americans will be soon off your back. Are only Americans a part of the conspiracy?

Europeans, too

“Bollocks. What about the GSP-Plus? Even GLP(ieris)-minus Bogollagama couldn’t do anything. Now they will take away concessions amounting to billions of dollars from our garment factories and tens of thousands will lose their jobs and we will lose the elections. That’s the other part of the conspiracy.” C’mon Jathi Aalay. I’ll call your bluff. I challenged him to answer my questions.

Last presidential election

What happened at the last presidential election? Ranil was supposed to romp home with the backing of the Tamils. But Pirapaharan issued a Fatwa on Tamils not to vote. And Ranil lost by a narrow margin. Obviously Pirapaharan wanted Mahinda to win and Ranil to lose. Remember, we are told that Americans were being urged by Rajaratnam to back the LTTE. So if that happened Americans were conspiring to make Mahinda win and Ranil lose. Quad erat demonstrandum, I said, like our geometry master of old said after proving an Euclidean theorem.

“Aha, but it was not Obama who was president in 2001, it was Bush,” Jathi Aalay came back strongly.

My answer was “Obama or Bush, what’s the difference? Both are American presidents!”
“OK, even if your cockeyed theory is temporarily accepted, the situation in 2009 and 2010 will be vastly different,” he countered.

Then and now

What was the main reason that Mahinda won eight consecutive provincial council elections? It was Ambassador Robert Blake demanding an end to military operations.

So our Dutu Gemunu from the Ruhuna thundered from election platforms, day in and day out that he as president of this country will never ever bow down to foreign demands under any conditions. The word ‘Mathrubhoomiya,’ sacred motherland, became his mantra.

A Sinhala boy from down south standing up to the mightiest in the world for his country. What better opportunity could our veeraya have had? It was like bowling full tosses to Sanath Jayasuriya with no fielders on the leg boundary. And Mahinda walloped all of them out of the grounds. Lanuwa Udin Ara, Lanuwa Yatin Ara!

What are the Americans and European nations doing now? The same thing, with accusations being made of war crimes and threats to revoke the GSP-Plus! And Rajapaksa tucks up his sarong and ties a knot in his satakaya to whack the Obamas, Clintons, Brownes, Millibands and Sarkozys over the ropes in the election campaigns close at hand. So what is this international conspiracy against the Rajapaksa government by these Western leaders?

If they drop their accusations, Mahinda will have nothing to thunder about and instead will be compelled to talk about the price of rice, bread and vegetables. But the Americans and Europeans are making him a national hero once again!

Alleged political conspiracies can be a blessing in disguise, at least in this country.

-Sri Lanka Guardian