Home, home where the buffaloes roam...

By Gamini Weerakoon

(February 08, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) On the 61st year of our Independence, all of which we have lived through in this merry isle, we were being assailed by radio, TV and newspapers that we were indeed a fortunate and a free people. Terrorism was eliminated and now we were free to do what we liked.

We were ruminating on this problem on Independence Day morning watching the polkichcha and woodpecker in our small garden patch when we realised that Independence meant much more than political independence. The birds, bees and every living being had to struggle for their independence and we the domesticated variety of homo sapiens too had to do so.

Husbands and wives have to struggle for their independence from their ever loving soul mates, employees with their employers and in fact all living beings as that sage Charles Darwin propounded in his thesis The Origin Of The Species that very day of independence 150 years ago.

From my hansiputuwa I realised that my independence was being curbed that day. The ignition key to my car had been spirited away by well wishers preventing me from visiting my club. Besides the road to the club was blocked to make way for the high jinks that were to follow Independence celebrations. It all pointed to limitations of independence, well put by that American satirist Dorothy Parker.

Now I know the things I know

And do the things I do

And if you do not like the things I do

To hell my love with you

Not everyone is a Dorothy Parker and we were virtually under house arrest on Independence Day.

London calling

The consequence of all this was that we were unable to fall asleep and were tossing and turning in bed till around dawn when we were disturbed by the telephone. It was my old friend Jumbo from London who takes perverse delight in making calls after his return from his pub around midnight (London time) to say the most idiotic things.

This time he was drunk and singing.. Oh give me a home where the buffaloes roam, where the deer and the antelope.. ..

What has got into you..singing about buffaloes at this time of the day, we queried.

Jumbo said we press fellows were not being fair. Only the other day we had declared 2009 to be the Year of the Buffalo in Lanka and in fact the years following as the Era of the Buffaloes. He liked buffaloes and wanted a home in Sri Lanka with buffaloes around. President Rajapakse in his Independence Day address called upon all patriotic citizens to return home.

But he seems to have reservations as well. He sang: Home, Home, Home on the range

Where three to four brothers hold sway, Where never is heard, a dissenting word.... Is that true he asked?

UNP propaganda

We told Jumbo that he had been listening to Ranil Wickremesinghe's propaganda. We thought Jumbo had been to the better school.

Never mind the schools even though the Big Match is round the corner, he replied. Are the people free there to say whatever they want like in the days when we hooted Sir John, Dudley and Banda from the Savoy gallery when they were shown on the Government Film Unit weekly release? Are the people really free? asked Jumbo.

Well terrorism has been eliminated now, we pointed but Jumbo said: 'So has been your editor.'

Jumbo went to relate a bitter experience on his last visit here. He had a night out with some of his friends and was returning home when he was stopped at a check point. The cop had barked out 'Eye Dee' and Jumbo had not known what it was all about.

His friend had quickly substituted as a sworn translator and said that Jumbo has never had an ID and he could produce his British passport. The cop had one look at it and flung it back saying it was all in English. I say Gordon Brown should be told that English may be the lingua franca of the world but Sri Lanka is the hub of the universe where Sinhala only prevails, said Jumbo. Besides I will earn ten times more in merry England even though it is now going through a financial depression

Pragmatism

Jumbo was now having second thoughts of returning home and being with his beloved buffaloes. Be pragmatic we said. You are a son of the Ruhuna. You have the right connections. Join the select ruling class clique. With your qualifications you can have ten times the UK salary, free housing, free telephone communications, free fuel, tax free income, free chauffeurs, free bullet proof Mercedes, Jaguar, BMW or any other make, free bodyguards if so desired, unlimited foreign travel... You don't have to be a yakko like us we pointed out.

Jumbo at the other end may have poured himself a double. I am coming. I am coming he sang out. Roll out the carpet of the VIP lounge, get Vermin to put up pandals all the way from Katunayake to Colombo, line the highway with those Soviet and Japanese cheer leaders and throw in some Pasyala dolls to give it a patriotic flavour.

He sang: Home, Home, Home on the range, where the near and dear will play, where never will be heard, a dissenting word for we will be assenting all day!

-Sri Lanka Guardian