Let us look after our aged parents

by F. A. Rodrigo Sathianathan

(October 24, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) International Elders’ Day fell on October 1 this year. This letter hopes to act as a reminder to everyone that we should spare a thought for our aged parents and elders who are suffering in silence in our country.

When we are young and healthy, we never for a moment give serious thought that we will one day grow old and feeble, and that we would need the assistance of someone to look after us in the autumn of our lives.

In Pre World War II Sri Lanka we had a system of extended families where grand parents, children and grand children lived under the same roof and led a very happy and contended life. Children were very much attached to their parents and grand parents and did not forget to respect and care for them in spite of the fact they were married and had children of their own.

Irrespective of the fact whether they were wealthy or not, children cared for their parents in keeping with the tenets of their religions which always taught that one must honour one’s father and mother and also look after them.

With the change of times, there have been changes in Sri Lanka too and children have come to feel that it is a burden to look after their parents in their old age — when they are sick and feeble — perhaps due to financial constraints with the escalating cost of living. In these circumstances some would prefer that their parents die early.

I know many children who have neglected their parents and do not wish to keep them with them even for a day. A few years ago in Sri Lanka I met an old couple near the Pettah Bus Stand which is now their home. They appeared to be in their 80s and partially blind. The old man related a very pathetic story to me.

He was an educated person, spoke fluent English and had lived his life in Kandy. He had had eight children and had sufficient wealth, which he divided amongst them equally. He gave them in marriage and expected that they would look after him and his wife in their old age.

As time went on the children had taken up the positions among themselves as to why the other brothers or sisters could not take the responsibility of looking after their parents in their old age. Everyone evaded the real issue of taking the responsibility of looking after their parents.

One day, a son who could not bear to see the parents being neglected decided to bring the parents to Colombo with the idea of admitting them to an elders’ home in the city. Having failed in his mission, he just left the parents at the Pettah Bus Stand and disappeared. Never was the son seen again. The aged couple had from then on to beg for their livelihood.

Is this not a "cruel world" that we are living in today to desert our parents at a time they really need their children’s assistance?

In developed countries like Australia, children leave their parents at an early age of 16 years and live by themselves. When it comes to old age the state looks after them and provides them with social security and free public transport passes, senior citizens and concession cards to enable the elders to purchase pharmaceutical items, etc., at a discounted price.

Several religious organisations in our country (Sri Lanka) with limited financial resources and donations have provided for the old and feeble. But this is a far cry compared to the real needs of the neglected elders in Sri Lanka.

The government may not have the money to finance the building of elders’ homes in the country. Perhaps the Department of Social Services should undertake to launch a fortnightly lottery to find the money for the maintenance and upkeep of these elders’ homes. People will no doubt support a worthy cause since they may also one day seek admission to these homes.

I have visited several Sri Lankan homes in Australia and have seen for myself that much food is wasted and thrown into the bin, while our countrymen are suffering in silence. Nearly 50% of the population is living below the poverty line.

I would appeal to our dear Sri Lankans living in this great country — Australia — where all ethnic groups live in peace, to think for a moment of our elders who are presently neglected in Sri Lanka.

I know of a Sri Lankan living in California, who is a banker, who had built an elders’ home and a children’s home in Negombo and also helps to maintain these homes.

Perhaps there may be several Sri Lankan philanthropists who could build elders’ homes in memory of their parents in Sri Lanka. There are several elders’ homes in Sri Lanka that depend solely on voluntary contributions for the maintenance of these homes. It is a very sad fact, but the reality is that many of these homes do not know how or where to find their next meal!

The first Mother Teresa Elders’ Home was built in Sri Lanka in 1965 at the former Mission House, St. Anthony’s Church, Madampitiya, Colombo 14. It is presently known as the "Home of Compassion" and is managed by the apostolic sisters.

There are many elders’ homes run by several religious organisations in Sri Lanka. A list of these homes may be obtained from the Department of Social Services, 76/1/1, Duminda Building, Galle Road, Colombo 4. Any financial assistance and items of clothing may be given to these elders’ homes direct. One is sure to gain ‘merit’ by doing so.

Let us leave this world better than we found it, and let our parents feel that they have not been neglected by their loved ones in their old age. - Sri Lanka Guardian