Ministry for Clearing Landmines in the North and East is on offer
“Who better than Karuna Amman to find the places where landmines were buried? It is like asking the squirrel to take out the nuts he himself had buried. We will need no experts from some foreign realm to do the job at $1999.99 per recovered landmine with one cent per bomb donated to International Red Cross. Not even Prabhakaran or Pottu Amman will know these spots."
Catapult Thangavelu returns to Kappang Highway
(October 09, Kilinochchi, Sri Lanka Guardian) Now that Wanni is about to be liberated, it was time for us to return to our favourite haunt, the Kilinochchi Junction on Kappang Highway. We will certainly miss Zoo-Pah. There were many occasions we were breathing distance from him. Did he ever suspect why we were there? Evidently not because we are alive but we had nothing to do with what happened to him; that you will have to ask the chief occupant of the Ground Hog Hole thirty feet under the ground. His annual emergence above ground is due next month.
Lt General Sarath Fonseka, nevertheless, has plans for him, or so we are told. First he will take care of a small problem with a Canadian newspaper which no doubt misreported him. We understand Sri Lanka’s favourite son from the Land of the Majority Sinhalese People proudly spoke in Sinhala Only to the Canadian reporter. It was the Canadian’s fault for not having a knowledge of Sinhalese before talking to a Sinhalese from Sri Lanka. If 300,000 Canadians can speak Tamil, why not the Canadian journalist speak Sinhalese, the language of 15 million people in the world?
Thank God for the Frenchmen Charles Perera for going on a rescue mission to salvage the poor General Fonseka. He may have gun power but Perera has pen power! And which is mightier? There is also Dr Hewapathirane on the ready with First Aid equipment should Lt General Sarath Fonseka needs help. We also learnt our good friend and erstwhile colleague Satchi Sithanandan is in town, not Kilinochchi nor Jaffna but Mannar to meet the Reverend Father Rayappu Soosaiappar.
The Good Bishop is very concerned the halcyon days according to the visions of His Supremo Prabhakaran are virtually nearing the end and he himself is not sure of his future unless Rome rescues him and makes him Bishop of Katchaitheevu. That is if India will permit such a move. Of course it is Sri Lankan territory but South India’s Vaiko who has been working on a public toilet project for Tamil Nadu now wants to capture Katchaitheevu in advance for a future Dravidastan with Eelam a lost cause.
Once Karunanidhi is Sivapaathamed in the natural course of his life, and if he is not going to reincarnate soon afterwards, Vaiko will unilaterally declare the Dravidastan State of Tamil Only to counter the Sri Lankan Republic of Sinhala Only and then the Gemunu-Elara wars will be re-enacted. This time around, it will be Elara who will win with arms supplied by the World Tamil Movement using Norwegian cargo boats from its headquarters on the upper floor of Ranee Café in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Elara would be Vaiko reincarnated! And Anuradhapura will have a temple built facing the Aghayagiri Vihara.
While Wanni is agog with all kinds of such speculations, our sleuth colleagues in Slave Island have indicated to us that one of the conditions Karuna Amman also known as Vinayagamoorthy Muralidharan placed on His Excellency Mahinda Rajapakse is that he be made a minister of senior rank at the earliest possible opportunity. The news is that the wily President Rajapakse has responded immediately and told him that he has just the one for him, a unique one too and no other country in the world has such a ministry.
After all we are a truly democratic country. Which country has one hundred and three ministers (at the last count yesterday evening according to Panchikawatte Street not Wall Street)? Even one who regularly gets handcuffed and uses certain secure facilities as his board and lodge has a ministerial position, an extension to Sravasti! After storming his brain in tandem with brother Gothabaya, the Rajapakse brothers hit on a novel idea and a very essential one too.
Who better than Karuna Amman to find the places where landmines were buried? It is like asking the squirrel to take out the nuts he himself had buried. We will need no experts from some foreign realm to do the job at $1999.99 per recovered landmine with one cent per bomb donated to International Red Cross. Not even Prabhakaran or Pottu Amman will know these spots.
Karuna Amman however has his own plans. Just like tea and rubber plantations in the hill country, he wants to have maravalli plantations; that is manioc alias cassava alias yucca. Since manioc came to Sri Lanka from South America, Karuna Amman wants to visit George Bush before he goes to grass to sign a deal to have America’s excess Mexicans to be employed in manioc plantations with coolie lines housing facilities.
The British did a good job of it with coolie lines in the hills and Karuna Amman was most impressed and heard a lot of it when he was a guest of Her Majesty in London. So in the likely event of Karuna Amman becoming the Minister for Clearing Landmines, North and East will have acres and acres of manioc plantations and container loads of maravalli chips will be exported and our young women need not slave in the Middle East anymore.
Cassava, yucca, manioc or maravalli what does that matter? said Alice to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum It matters everything said Dee and Dum in unison as they always do because the Wanni War is over, the country has been liberated of Prabhakaran and his hordes by Sarath Fonseka, and the Mexicans are here to live on coolie lines.
Wanni indeed has changed since we were here some months ago; even half our team has gone overseas. Incidentally, we have not come across any Norwegians unless some of them are keeping company with the Supremo in the hole thirty feet below terra firma.
Ends.- Sri Lanka Guardian
“Who better than Karuna Amman to find the places where landmines were buried? It is like asking the squirrel to take out the nuts he himself had buried. We will need no experts from some foreign realm to do the job at $1999.99 per recovered landmine with one cent per bomb donated to International Red Cross. Not even Prabhakaran or Pottu Amman will know these spots."
Catapult Thangavelu returns to Kappang Highway
(October 09, Kilinochchi, Sri Lanka Guardian) Now that Wanni is about to be liberated, it was time for us to return to our favourite haunt, the Kilinochchi Junction on Kappang Highway. We will certainly miss Zoo-Pah. There were many occasions we were breathing distance from him. Did he ever suspect why we were there? Evidently not because we are alive but we had nothing to do with what happened to him; that you will have to ask the chief occupant of the Ground Hog Hole thirty feet under the ground. His annual emergence above ground is due next month.
Lt General Sarath Fonseka, nevertheless, has plans for him, or so we are told. First he will take care of a small problem with a Canadian newspaper which no doubt misreported him. We understand Sri Lanka’s favourite son from the Land of the Majority Sinhalese People proudly spoke in Sinhala Only to the Canadian reporter. It was the Canadian’s fault for not having a knowledge of Sinhalese before talking to a Sinhalese from Sri Lanka. If 300,000 Canadians can speak Tamil, why not the Canadian journalist speak Sinhalese, the language of 15 million people in the world?
Thank God for the Frenchmen Charles Perera for going on a rescue mission to salvage the poor General Fonseka. He may have gun power but Perera has pen power! And which is mightier? There is also Dr Hewapathirane on the ready with First Aid equipment should Lt General Sarath Fonseka needs help. We also learnt our good friend and erstwhile colleague Satchi Sithanandan is in town, not Kilinochchi nor Jaffna but Mannar to meet the Reverend Father Rayappu Soosaiappar.
The Good Bishop is very concerned the halcyon days according to the visions of His Supremo Prabhakaran are virtually nearing the end and he himself is not sure of his future unless Rome rescues him and makes him Bishop of Katchaitheevu. That is if India will permit such a move. Of course it is Sri Lankan territory but South India’s Vaiko who has been working on a public toilet project for Tamil Nadu now wants to capture Katchaitheevu in advance for a future Dravidastan with Eelam a lost cause.
Once Karunanidhi is Sivapaathamed in the natural course of his life, and if he is not going to reincarnate soon afterwards, Vaiko will unilaterally declare the Dravidastan State of Tamil Only to counter the Sri Lankan Republic of Sinhala Only and then the Gemunu-Elara wars will be re-enacted. This time around, it will be Elara who will win with arms supplied by the World Tamil Movement using Norwegian cargo boats from its headquarters on the upper floor of Ranee Café in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Elara would be Vaiko reincarnated! And Anuradhapura will have a temple built facing the Aghayagiri Vihara.
While Wanni is agog with all kinds of such speculations, our sleuth colleagues in Slave Island have indicated to us that one of the conditions Karuna Amman also known as Vinayagamoorthy Muralidharan placed on His Excellency Mahinda Rajapakse is that he be made a minister of senior rank at the earliest possible opportunity. The news is that the wily President Rajapakse has responded immediately and told him that he has just the one for him, a unique one too and no other country in the world has such a ministry.
After all we are a truly democratic country. Which country has one hundred and three ministers (at the last count yesterday evening according to Panchikawatte Street not Wall Street)? Even one who regularly gets handcuffed and uses certain secure facilities as his board and lodge has a ministerial position, an extension to Sravasti! After storming his brain in tandem with brother Gothabaya, the Rajapakse brothers hit on a novel idea and a very essential one too.
Who better than Karuna Amman to find the places where landmines were buried? It is like asking the squirrel to take out the nuts he himself had buried. We will need no experts from some foreign realm to do the job at $1999.99 per recovered landmine with one cent per bomb donated to International Red Cross. Not even Prabhakaran or Pottu Amman will know these spots.
Karuna Amman however has his own plans. Just like tea and rubber plantations in the hill country, he wants to have maravalli plantations; that is manioc alias cassava alias yucca. Since manioc came to Sri Lanka from South America, Karuna Amman wants to visit George Bush before he goes to grass to sign a deal to have America’s excess Mexicans to be employed in manioc plantations with coolie lines housing facilities.
The British did a good job of it with coolie lines in the hills and Karuna Amman was most impressed and heard a lot of it when he was a guest of Her Majesty in London. So in the likely event of Karuna Amman becoming the Minister for Clearing Landmines, North and East will have acres and acres of manioc plantations and container loads of maravalli chips will be exported and our young women need not slave in the Middle East anymore.
Cassava, yucca, manioc or maravalli what does that matter? said Alice to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum It matters everything said Dee and Dum in unison as they always do because the Wanni War is over, the country has been liberated of Prabhakaran and his hordes by Sarath Fonseka, and the Mexicans are here to live on coolie lines.
Wanni indeed has changed since we were here some months ago; even half our team has gone overseas. Incidentally, we have not come across any Norwegians unless some of them are keeping company with the Supremo in the hole thirty feet below terra firma.
Ends.- Sri Lanka Guardian
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