Gun Shot, One Shot and Gon Shot

"Two UNP women supporters in a Bullock cart carried off their beloved relay team of Mr Ranil “Phelps” Wickremasinghe, One Shot, Gun Shot and Gon Shot shouting “Apey Gona Apita Honda” out of the stadium, thus ending another memorable day of defeat to our record breaking Serial Looser Team."

by S. De Silva

(August 26, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) Holder of the current world record for Serial Loosing, Ranil “Phelps” Wickremasinghe broke his own record last week at the NCP/Sabaragamuwa sports meet and added one more gold medal to the Himalayan mountain of gold medals accumulated in his illustrious political career, thus becoming the undisputable world record holder in the category of Serial Loosing.

His relay partners, Gun Shot, One Shot and Velupillai Prabhakaran the “Gon Shot” were also awarded gold medals by Citizen Perera. Just for the heck of it, Citizen Perera also awarded Silver medals to CMEV, Richard “O-I Love UNP’ Blake and FMM who acted as the Judge, Jury and Executioner in the NCP/SG Sports meet, respectively. Bonze medals were awarded to JVP in recognition for their tremendous work in organizing general strikes and student protests to help their ailing buddy Velupillai Prabhakaran the Gon Shot at a time of personal crisis to the poor man.

Citizen Perera also did not forget to mention German Ambassador to Sri Lanka, Mr. Jurgen Weerth in his thanksgiving note, for his very timely help in giving a “helpful push” to Mr. Phelps Wickeremashinghe and his relay partners Gun Shot, One Shot and Gon Shot to attain this historic defeat. Official cheerleader of the event Mrs. Rosy Senanayake provided some lavish entertainment with scantily clad dancing stars especially brought down from Pulli First channel, while Mr. Lasantha. Wickrematunga and Miss Sonali Samarasinghe provided media coverage to the event with plenty thrills spills and usual concoction of conspiracy theories all of which were published in their extremely widely read and esteemed journal, The Sundayleader.

Before the event all the Gold medalists were blessed by Rev. Rayappu Joseph (himself a serial looser of sorts) since the teams consisted of three “former” Christians in Phelps Wickremasinghe, One Shot and Gun Shot, all of which converted to Buddhism just in order to please Citizen Perera (or so they thought), while Gon Shot was a anyway a God himself, known popularly as “Sun God” among his tribe in Gondwanaland.

Two UNP women supporters in a Bullock cart carried off their beloved relay team of Mr Ranil “Phelps” Wickremasinghe, One Shot, Gun Shot and Gon Shot shouting “Apey Gona Apita Honda” out of the stadium, thus ending another memorable day of defeat to our record breaking Serial Looser Team.
- Sri Lanka Guardian