“Marking the inauguration of this novel scheme, Father Jey Samiar said the first 500 passports will be issued at buy-one-get-one free for the wife basis for Rs.100,000 but must be paid either in American or Canadian dollars whichever is higher at the time of purchase and Dutch Guilders.”____________________________
Report from Chinnakili of Chundikuli
(March 25, Jaffna, Sri Lanka Guardian) The Reverend Father Sellar Jeyanesan of the Church of the American Ceylon Mission (CACM) created by a certificate constructed by some American entity conducted a Press Conference recently from his self-enforced exile, a consequential confinement due to certain circumstances in Sri Lanka. Announcing that his current predicament is only temporary and a certain Dutchman has been entrusted to take care of that, said he was pleased to “Express” anyone wishing to go to heaven without having to attend any church including his own CACM.
Having come to appreciate the expertise they have to produce passports of many lands, even visas literally child’s play, Father Jeyanesan alias Dr Jey Samiar said, he has become qualified to issue passports to heaven having followed a correspondence course in Holland recommended by his friend, a retired principal. This became a venture of necessity since CACM is running short of funds with a good part gobbled by their lawyers and also the many “santhosams” that must be paid to the various “Rough Hands” doing security duties in and around some JDCSI properties using the age-old Spanish colonial system of appropriation by forced occupation.
Marking the inauguration of this novel scheme, Father Jey Samiar said the first 500 passports will be issued at buy-one-get-one free for the wife basis for Rs.100,000 but must be paid either in American or Canadian dollars whichever is higher at the time of purchase and Dutch Guilders. Only the male of the species can buy these passports because according to the Samiar, the part of the heaven he has appropriated is a male enclave and the females are there only for duties of servitude that may vary.
Thereafter each passport will be sold at Rs.250.000 with 10% off for those recommended by Drs Dhyan Chand Carr and James Vijeyakumar. Rounding up the conference, he said: “My heaven is a place of pleasure and for this I have worked hard.”
- Sri Lanka Guardian
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