“Some Muslim girls brought up in conservative homes and living a secluded and cloistered life, suddenly on marriage find themselves released into a more liberal world. Normally, this happens among the present generation where Muslim men wish their wives to be more ‘modern’.”***************************************
by Fazal Mahmood
(March 15, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) Islam, according to its teachings, does not approve of divorce. However, it is permitted more as an exception to the rule "Expel them [women] not from their houses nor let them go forth unless they commit open immorality. . ."[Holy Quran - Surah 65]. "Of all the acts permitted by law" said the Holy Prophet Muhammad [Sal] "divorce is the most hateful in the sight of Allah" [Abu Daud’ Sunan,xiii 3]. The only concession allowed to a man or woman to obtain a divorce is chiefly on grounds of sexual incompatibility and infidelity by either party. These, in the main, are the basic teachings of Islam on divorce.
In reality, however, divorce is possible and permissible in modern Muslim society for a variety of reasons and is quite easily obtained. Muslim society today takes divorce for granted. It is the normal climax to an unhappy marriage. Seldom or never is it understood that according to the teachings of Islam, divorce should be the last resort.
Muslim law provides for a system of arbitration between disparate couples. The Quazi system provides the Quazis with powers to bring about concord between estranged couples. Only when all other means of settlement have failed, are they granted legal separation. It is, however, a matter of regret and concern that Muslim society has degenerated into one where divorce has become common on frivolous grounds. Whether this is due to a breakdown in religious values is a moot point.
Many legally separated couples would not have sought legal separation if only the elders of the community or the parents had intervened. Here, Muslim society should be blamed collectively for the vast number of divorces that take place. There is a great difference between what is morally right as is seen in the teachings in the Holy Quran and what is legally right as interpreted in the Muslim Marriage and Divorce laws. The law is lax and permits divorce for trivial reasons. This is because the law itself has been evolved by society. Therefore, if one must look for a definitive teaching on divorce, one would have no alternative but to go to the Holy Quran which strictly forbids it except in certain circumstances.
Why then has divorce become common among the Muslims? Primarily, it is because couples are ill-matched and together with the various pressures of a society of unequal and phoney status has led to a breakdown in great many marriages. The Muslim community, unlike any other community in Sri Lanka, is composed of opposites and extremes. Side by side with the immensely wealthy are the desolately poor. So, too, with literacy. On the one hand we find the educated and the literate and on the other the colossally ignorant and the illiterate. All living in a closely-knit small community. Couples with diverse interests are paired off by over-anxious parents. The wealthy among Muslims have found educated husbands for their daughters while educated Muslim parents have to be satisfied with wealthy husbands for their equally educated daughters. Social disparity, therefore, is one of the reasons for divorce among the higher rungs of the community.
Marriage is compulsory to a man with health, wealth and strength according to the teachings of Islam. The Holy Prophet has said, ‘he who is able to marry should marry for it keeps the eye cast down and keeps a man chaste. . .’ [Bukhari 67: 1]. This is misinterpreted by many ignorant parents who get their dependent sons married early in life and long before they are mature enough to face up to the responsibilities of married life. As a result, they become more and more dependent on their parents and in-laws, being unable to set up a home of their own. Naturally the rift between husband and wife widens inasmuch as they have to depend on their parents.
Yet another cause for the failure of Muslim marriages is the prevalent dowry system. The giving of a dowry is not among Muslim traditions. Quite the opposite is the giving of MAHAR which nonetheless is the giving of a dowry by a bridegroom to his bride on the day of his wedding. This practice, though observed more in the breach, has its roots in the teachings of Islam.
From a religious point of view the dowry system is taboo. But the custom of giving a dowry to a prospective son-in-law has come to stay, probably a custom originating from Hindu traditions. This custom has made many an anxious father promise more than what he possesses to ‘settle his daughter’. The bridegroom so ‘bought’ on finding he has not been ‘paid his worth’ as promised, seeks divorce from his wife. Many Muslim marriages go on the rocks due to no fault of the couples, in this way.
Some Muslim girls brought up in conservative homes and living a secluded and cloistered life, suddenly on marriage find themselves released into a more liberal world. Normally, this happens among the present generation where Muslim men wish their wives to be more ‘modern’. They prefer to have their wives to join them in social activities and allow free contact with other men. But, unfortunately, these girls brought up in orthodox homes mistake such freedom for licence to have a few amorous adventures. The outcome of it is normally a break-up in their home-life. Such instances are common in urban areas among the more sophisticated of the community.
The purdah system has led many a bridegroom marry the wrong girl. Often the younger and the more beautiful of a pair of sisters is shown and the elder given away in marriage. The bridegroom finds out too late. The only alternative for him is the divorce courts.
In some parts of Sri Lanka it is customary for the newly-weds to live with their in-laws even for years after marriage. Such sheltered lives, where all their wants are met and their problems ironed out by their in-laws, often create difficulties. The influence of parents and parental interference lead to strained feelings between husband and wife who ultimately end in the divorce courts.
It is common in such instances that at bottom parental influence bad become irksome to one partner who had had to compete with his or her in-laws far a greater share of affection from the other. Moreover, when such couples set up a home of their own they are unable to meet the challenge and responsibility of marriage by themselves. This of often leads to bickering between couples often ending up in a disrupted union.
There is the popular misconception that merely because Muslim Law permits a man to have up to four wives, divorce is uncommon. Though the law permits such marriages very few men have more than one wife. The conditions under which such marriages are permitted are so stringent as to make it almost impossible for any Muslim in Sri Lanka to have more than one wife. Divorce, being tbe more convenient way of finding another partner, is resorted to when one marriage turns out badly.
The crux of the whole problem is largely a matter of individual approach to marriage. Muslims, Sinhalese, Tamils or Burghers are human beings first, with all their follies and foibles. Human desires, hopes and aspirations are the same the world over, though their thinking may be conditioned by the society they live in. A Muslim is no different. If an individual wants to make a success of his marriage it is within his reach. If he should fail it is society which is largely to blame. For a collapse of the individual or his moral fibre reflects the collapse of the society as a whole. Man as Earl Russel said, " is manogamous both by instinct as well as by nature". It is society that conditions his nature.
It must be remembered that though marriages are made in heaven they have to be lived in this part of the Universe and in a society that is Hell-bound.
- Sri Lanka Guardian
by Fazal Mahmood
(March 15, Colombo, Sri Lanka Guardian) Islam, according to its teachings, does not approve of divorce. However, it is permitted more as an exception to the rule "Expel them [women] not from their houses nor let them go forth unless they commit open immorality. . ."[Holy Quran - Surah 65]. "Of all the acts permitted by law" said the Holy Prophet Muhammad [Sal] "divorce is the most hateful in the sight of Allah" [Abu Daud’ Sunan,xiii 3]. The only concession allowed to a man or woman to obtain a divorce is chiefly on grounds of sexual incompatibility and infidelity by either party. These, in the main, are the basic teachings of Islam on divorce.
In reality, however, divorce is possible and permissible in modern Muslim society for a variety of reasons and is quite easily obtained. Muslim society today takes divorce for granted. It is the normal climax to an unhappy marriage. Seldom or never is it understood that according to the teachings of Islam, divorce should be the last resort.
Muslim law provides for a system of arbitration between disparate couples. The Quazi system provides the Quazis with powers to bring about concord between estranged couples. Only when all other means of settlement have failed, are they granted legal separation. It is, however, a matter of regret and concern that Muslim society has degenerated into one where divorce has become common on frivolous grounds. Whether this is due to a breakdown in religious values is a moot point.
Many legally separated couples would not have sought legal separation if only the elders of the community or the parents had intervened. Here, Muslim society should be blamed collectively for the vast number of divorces that take place. There is a great difference between what is morally right as is seen in the teachings in the Holy Quran and what is legally right as interpreted in the Muslim Marriage and Divorce laws. The law is lax and permits divorce for trivial reasons. This is because the law itself has been evolved by society. Therefore, if one must look for a definitive teaching on divorce, one would have no alternative but to go to the Holy Quran which strictly forbids it except in certain circumstances.
Why then has divorce become common among the Muslims? Primarily, it is because couples are ill-matched and together with the various pressures of a society of unequal and phoney status has led to a breakdown in great many marriages. The Muslim community, unlike any other community in Sri Lanka, is composed of opposites and extremes. Side by side with the immensely wealthy are the desolately poor. So, too, with literacy. On the one hand we find the educated and the literate and on the other the colossally ignorant and the illiterate. All living in a closely-knit small community. Couples with diverse interests are paired off by over-anxious parents. The wealthy among Muslims have found educated husbands for their daughters while educated Muslim parents have to be satisfied with wealthy husbands for their equally educated daughters. Social disparity, therefore, is one of the reasons for divorce among the higher rungs of the community.
Marriage is compulsory to a man with health, wealth and strength according to the teachings of Islam. The Holy Prophet has said, ‘he who is able to marry should marry for it keeps the eye cast down and keeps a man chaste. . .’ [Bukhari 67: 1]. This is misinterpreted by many ignorant parents who get their dependent sons married early in life and long before they are mature enough to face up to the responsibilities of married life. As a result, they become more and more dependent on their parents and in-laws, being unable to set up a home of their own. Naturally the rift between husband and wife widens inasmuch as they have to depend on their parents.
Yet another cause for the failure of Muslim marriages is the prevalent dowry system. The giving of a dowry is not among Muslim traditions. Quite the opposite is the giving of MAHAR which nonetheless is the giving of a dowry by a bridegroom to his bride on the day of his wedding. This practice, though observed more in the breach, has its roots in the teachings of Islam.
From a religious point of view the dowry system is taboo. But the custom of giving a dowry to a prospective son-in-law has come to stay, probably a custom originating from Hindu traditions. This custom has made many an anxious father promise more than what he possesses to ‘settle his daughter’. The bridegroom so ‘bought’ on finding he has not been ‘paid his worth’ as promised, seeks divorce from his wife. Many Muslim marriages go on the rocks due to no fault of the couples, in this way.
Some Muslim girls brought up in conservative homes and living a secluded and cloistered life, suddenly on marriage find themselves released into a more liberal world. Normally, this happens among the present generation where Muslim men wish their wives to be more ‘modern’. They prefer to have their wives to join them in social activities and allow free contact with other men. But, unfortunately, these girls brought up in orthodox homes mistake such freedom for licence to have a few amorous adventures. The outcome of it is normally a break-up in their home-life. Such instances are common in urban areas among the more sophisticated of the community.
The purdah system has led many a bridegroom marry the wrong girl. Often the younger and the more beautiful of a pair of sisters is shown and the elder given away in marriage. The bridegroom finds out too late. The only alternative for him is the divorce courts.
In some parts of Sri Lanka it is customary for the newly-weds to live with their in-laws even for years after marriage. Such sheltered lives, where all their wants are met and their problems ironed out by their in-laws, often create difficulties. The influence of parents and parental interference lead to strained feelings between husband and wife who ultimately end in the divorce courts.
It is common in such instances that at bottom parental influence bad become irksome to one partner who had had to compete with his or her in-laws far a greater share of affection from the other. Moreover, when such couples set up a home of their own they are unable to meet the challenge and responsibility of marriage by themselves. This of often leads to bickering between couples often ending up in a disrupted union.
There is the popular misconception that merely because Muslim Law permits a man to have up to four wives, divorce is uncommon. Though the law permits such marriages very few men have more than one wife. The conditions under which such marriages are permitted are so stringent as to make it almost impossible for any Muslim in Sri Lanka to have more than one wife. Divorce, being tbe more convenient way of finding another partner, is resorted to when one marriage turns out badly.
The crux of the whole problem is largely a matter of individual approach to marriage. Muslims, Sinhalese, Tamils or Burghers are human beings first, with all their follies and foibles. Human desires, hopes and aspirations are the same the world over, though their thinking may be conditioned by the society they live in. A Muslim is no different. If an individual wants to make a success of his marriage it is within his reach. If he should fail it is society which is largely to blame. For a collapse of the individual or his moral fibre reflects the collapse of the society as a whole. Man as Earl Russel said, " is manogamous both by instinct as well as by nature". It is society that conditions his nature.
It must be remembered that though marriages are made in heaven they have to be lived in this part of the Universe and in a society that is Hell-bound.
- Sri Lanka Guardian
A pretty good analysis about the issues faced by Muslim society. some anecdotal evidence of those who also abuse the process may have added another dimension.
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